Being Content

Before I even start explaining my thoughts, I guess I should add a disclaimer...the title may be "Being Content" but there is a whole lot that I am simply not content about. However, I'm working on it. I suppose this isn't about actually being content, but becoming content instead.

It's my blog, so I can say what I want.


This week, I had sort of an epiphany. It's something that I think everyone has already, will, or should eventually come to believe. It's simple, that's the cool part. I realized that other people's opinions simply do not matter.

Let me start with the issue that I struggled with at the beginning of this year. My ex. Yes, that is enough for one full sentence in itself. You see, I'm no longer interested in my ex at all. We broke up years ago. I'm sure he's a nice guy, at least, that's what I tell people when they ask my opinion on him. "He's a nice guy, really. He'll be dedicated, committed, and he's pretty smart. You're lucky you got to meet him." In all honest, I have no idea if that is true, but at one point it was, regardless of how things ended up with us. While I may be saying this stuff with my mouth, in my head I've been thinking "He's great, but he can get the heck off my campus! I went to school here to get away, and here my life is, following me. Kay, bye!"
Each time someone told me that they had met him, I became incredibly irritated. My freshman year roommate. One of my sisters. Another sister. My Greek twin is now his brother. It just irritated me so much. My heart literally (in the actual sense of the word) stopped beating when I'd run into him on campus.
Why? I have absolutely no idea!
This week, I came to the conclusion that it doesn't matter if he goes to my school. It doesn't matter if we become friends again or if we stay complete strangers in close settings who just kind of awkwardly look away from each other when we make eye contact. None of my friends like him so far. My Twin is still going to be my Twin no matter what. People aren't going to decide not to talk to me because of who I dated back in high school. He will make a positive contribution to my Greek community.
Problem solved. Keep Calm and Live On.

Another part of this epiphany comes from the mean girls.
I'm in a sorority, if you have not already gathered, and for the most part, I LOVE IT! My sisters mean the world to me and I have gained so much from this chapter. I promise that I would not be the woman that I am today without these incredible, incredible women in my life.
Unfortunately, when you get 75ish females together on a regular basis, there will never be a time that every single person is happy. Especially if this happens to be near time for elections...aka the time where everything important is passed from one person to another.
There is a group of women who have chosen to start drama in my chapter, some of which is aimed at me. At first, it bothered me. It really bothered me. However, I then thought about it for a few minutes in silence and realized that their unhappiness has nothing to do with me. They need someone to be angry at, that's fine, let it be me. I have done nothing wrong, so what they think and how they act does not matter. They've made the non-personal, personal.
You'll never get anywhere being mean. You'll never get anywhere letting others hurt you.
Problem solved. Keep Calm and Live On.

Those are only two examples, but it's evidence. I am learning about being content. I am learning how to Keep Calm and Live On. I believe that there is an ultimate plan for my life and it will be revealed to me through not being content, but there are life lessons to learn in the process. Life is not about being content, that is not the goal. However, putting the unimportant aside will help find the things worth spending time over.

24 Hours of 20

Today is my 20th birthday, but it's nearing midnight now and the rights to say "it's my birthday, so be nice," are coming to a close. Usually on a birthday, you don't really think too much about aging. Sure, jokes will be made about how old you're getting and in my case about how young I still am, but never do you think that you actually "feel older." Yet, here I am, feeling that extra year in my soul.

I don't know that I can explain it, but I guess I'm going to try.

My need to flee this college life grew exponentially today. I just want to run away and be an individual with nothing tying me down. I don't want to listen to gossip. I don't want everyone to know my name or what I want to do with my life or my favorite color or that I'm a little kid at heart. I want people to see that I am a strong, confident, intelligent, beautiful individual with a passion for people and so much love for the world and incredible faith in her God. At the end of the day, I think that's always what I will want to be remembered for, being the person I was created to be. I don't know if I can do that here and today made me realize that.

Granted, I could have come across this realization no matter what day it was, but I feel that it was significant that it happened today, when "I beat teenage pregnancy" (The only true you're 20 joke there is) and conquered the quest of life for my first two decades.

Maybe this is what being an adult is about.